What Now?

What Now?

Have you ever come to a place in your journey of life where you can’t see a second in front of you?  Or better yet you’re afraid to even look because of all the storms you’ve been facing?  The future, of course is always unknown, but often times we at least have a plan, a projected road to follow or possibly some hopes and dreams to look to.  At times though we are faced with circumstances that blind our vision forward.

Last year, 2016 was a tough year for my family and for me and my health.  As I journeyed into 2017 I declared it would be different.  I even clearly remember submitting it to God with excitement as to what he had planned.  You see I thought I saw a glimpse of the road ahead of me and I thought it looked hopeful.  The road I thought I saw has been nothing of what it has really been.  This year I have endured great struggle with my health from chronic lyme disease, to kidney issues, and most recently a stroke in which I am still recovering from.  Along with health issues, the job I put my heart and soul into for the past year is now coming to an abrupt close and I am left looking at an unknown future.   The future unknown to me, but known to my creator and that is where I must place my trust.

Honestly though, I often feel like I am in the driest wilderness with the barely enough strength to look up.  I am reminded of what the Lord says in Isaiah 43:19, “See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”  What I really want to say to the Lord is, “NO – I don’t see it.  I can’t even see anything from the dry grounds I stand on.”  If I allow my focus to be on my circumstances I can honestly say I will die in the wilderness, but if I allow my focus to remain on the Lord I then can see his way and see the streams he will lead me to.  THIS IS A CHOICE I MUST CHOOSE TO MAKE!  This is not what comes easy and not necessarily what I’m naturally led to do.  This is a day by day submission to the Lord and to his ways.  It’s constantly laying it at his feet and saying, yes Lord, I will trust you.  I will trust you today and I will trust you tomorrow.  I will trust you in my pain and I will trust you in my disappointments.  It’s knowing as is said in Deuteronomy 31:8 that “the Lord God himself goes before me and he will be with me; that he will never leave me nor forsake me.  That I am not to be afraid and nor be discouraged.”

Without His word I am afraid and I am discouraged. But his word is what I stand on and what I choose to believe.  His word releases my fear and my discouragement.  His word gives me hope for a new day.  I don’t know what tomorrow holds or how long the wilderness will last.  Jeremiah 10:23 says, “Lord, we know that people do not control their own destiny.  It is not in their power to determine what will happen to them.”  While there are moments I think I know what’s best…truly I don’t as my thoughts are not the Lords.  So today I say thank you Lord for bringing me this far.  Thank you for another day and thank you Lord that you will guide me in my tomorrow.  When the question is asked, “What now?”  My answer is simply whatever the Lord has next.

Picture Perfect Christmas

Picture Perfect Christmas

Christmas….that time of the year when the world tries to paint a picture of a “picture perfect” Christmas…the perfect Christmas card sent, the decorations all in their places and of course the fairytale of how there was ample time to set up and the kids were on their best behavior with no arguments, the cookies weren’t burnt and tasted like Betty Crockers herself, there was money in excess to buy each present you wanted, the traffic and hustle and bustle was just Merry and of course the snow fell so perfectly like a snow globe as you danced and frolicked with friends and loved ones at the perfect Christmas dinner…the worlds picture perfect is a Hallmark dream most of us will never see. So what is picture perfect Christmas? Is picture perfect a vision before our eyes that the world dictates or is it something more? I’ve had what I thought were picture perfect Christmas’ as a child…family, food, presents, candlelight service at church all dressed up together, snow and fun times in NH, and of course…Santa…. I’ve also experienced such tragic loss and pain at Christmas. There’s also sickness and the inability to create what I thought was a picture perfect Christmas for me and for my family. Reality is Christmas is a baby that was born to an imperfect world in an imperfect setting. He wasn’t born in a castle with the perfect everything and parents of the highest rank…He was born in a stable to an ordinary man and an ordinary woman. He was born for us…and then He died for us. He was sent to earth for us for such a time. His birth alone was the greatest gift. This year as I reflect on the birth of Jesus I’m reminded that just ONE birth changed the world. This Christmas there’s nothing perfect…I have too many friends that are dealing with tragic losses in their life and many still mourning losses from years before, sickness continues to invade my life and many lives, the budget nor the time allows for the worlds perfect Hallmark Christmas. The reality is my Christmas isn’t perfect but it’s where the Lord has me and for that I am blessed…blessed to have the best gift one could ask for…Jesus! So when I look to the left and to the right of me and think I catch a glimpse of another persons perfect Christmas I am reminded that we live in an imperfect world and truly there is no picture perfect Christmas. This morning on Christmas Eve I am thankful that Christmas this year is filled with memories that will be dear to my heart….not perfect memories but real memories of where the Lord has me!
Merry Christmas!🎄❤️💚

Trust

How do we trust when we cannot see or how do we trust when the pain is too much and fear has crept in?  To trust is to believe that someone or something is reliable or honest, effective or good.  Today’s society pulls away from trust and instead moves towards self….assuming that self can take care of, or fix or even guard the things that come our way, the things we can’t necessarily control.  We’ve been betrayed, hurt and scarred…we’ve built up fear.  Fear of being vulnerable, fear of the unknown, fear of failing.  Our confidence fades and so does our trust.  There seems to be thousands of solutions,of fix it programs in this world yet continually we face and hear about heartache, loss, defeat and disease.  We read self help books, look for latest trends and seek out the best doctors all in hope to trust someone or something that will fix what’s wrong.  Trust.  Through life I’ve had my share of disappointments…I’ve lost loved ones, faced disease, been hurt by those I trusted, was unable to meet expectations set for me….I’ve lost trust in people and people have lost trust in me.  In recent months I’ve battled illness which has lead me to a place of quiet and a place of complete trust.  My trust is in the Lord and in He alone.  He created me.  He knows me yesterday, today and tomorrow.  My doctors can try to help ease my pain and heal my illness, my friends and family can come along side and cheer me on, encouraging words will lift my spirits for a time and that is all good and needed.  But in Psalm 56:3 it says “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.”  In Proverbs 3:5-6 it says “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight.”  I am not to lean on my own understanding…my ways are not His ways.  If I followed my ways all the time I’d be a disastrous mess!  I am so thankful for the times that He has guided me.  Submit to HIM….if I am to trust I am to submit to Him in all my ways…in all I do, in all I say, and in all I believe. He will make my paths straight…it doesn’t say He will make them easy. Deuteronomy 31:8 says “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”  The Lord goes BEFORE me…what better trust than to trust the one that goes before me and the one that stays right with me.  My friends and family, though faithful, will not always be with me.  My doctors will not always be there each time I need them.  Trust is to believe that someone or something is reliable or honest, effective or good. My God is reliable, He is honest, He is effective and He is good!  Though this year has proved to be hard and often arduous and unexpected….my God has been faithful and in Him I put my trust.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow….the day after today.  Sounds pretty simple…a definition we all have understood since childhood.  At times I eagerly anticipated tomorrow and at times I cringed at the thought of what tomorrow would bring.  As I reflect on Resurrection Sunday I think to what the disciples were thinking when Jesus died….tomorrow was not an ordinary day for them.   I then think to the thought of the day before Jesus rose…while many were still in mourning and to think their tomorrow would be different, though little did they know that their mourning would turn to joy because Jesus had risen.   How many tomorrows have we had that weren’t what we thought they would be?  Some tomorrows were filled with sorrow, overwhelming news and just daily chaos.  Yet other tomorrows brought new hope, greater peace, and joy.  Of course we all long for the happy tomorrows, the lighter ones, the easier ones….but unfortunately the difficult tomorrows will be there…maybe we know they are coming or possibly we are blindsided and not prepared.  As I lay here and think of my tomorrow, there’s an agenda of what will happen that is expected…things I need to do and plans made that I need to follow through on.  That’s not a bad thing…it’s reality.  But what if?  What if I woke tomorrow and laid my day at His feet before my eyes were even opened.  What if the plans and expectations I had for tomorrow were totally changed and didn’t go according to what I thought they would be yet I started my day with peace from Him…knowing that no matter what tomorrow holds I know He holds me.  Knowing that if tomorrow came no matter what took place I would be ok.  Tomorrow will come, but what it will look like can only be spoken of in the moment we walk through it.  Tomorrow could be a promotion, it could be a loss, it could be a diagnosis or quality time spent with a loved one. Tomorrow could be the beginning of a new path the Lord has for us…but will we surrender our tomorrow to Him?  Will we wake and step forward in each moment giving the unexpected and the expected of tomorrow to Him?  Thinking back to the crucifixion of Jesus that is not a tomorrow I would have wanted….yet  His resurrection is surely a tomorrow I am thankful for!  You see one days tomorrow doesn’t have to mean the end it could be the beginning of the Lord’s perfect plan.  As I anticipate a few tomorrow’s to come with unknown outcomes and a little anxiety, I am reminded that I do not hold the future but it is the Lord who does.  While my tomorrow may seem a little arduous and difficult and often overwhelming He has a plan, and if I continue to surrender my tomorrow and walk with Him he will guide and protect me.  Let tomorrow be His…the good, the bad, the ugly tomorrow…whatever it may be give it to  the Lord and He will see you through.  It may take hours, weeks, months or even years BUT He will not fail you!

When Today Wasn’t Planned

Somedays you wake with expectations…expectations that all will go as you planned…that the sun will rise and the day will move forward with ease for the most part…not perfect…just not too hard.  Somedays I look back to being young…I had my life planned out…the man of my dreams, raising kids with my mom by my side to grandmother them, the perfect job, enough money to not worry, and health….of course health wasn’t an issue…wasn’t even a thought…of course all would be well…of course I’d be healthy…I’d be that do it all mom and wife….juggling life just perfectly and with a smile of course too….   Sometimes life isn’t as we planned.  Sometimes life knocks us down and getting up is hard.  Sometimes events happen unexpectedly and throw us on a total different track than we planned to be on.  Sometimes we need to stop planning and just let God take control.  Surrender.  Sometimes God puts you at such a place that all you can do is surrender – the circumstances of your life become beyond your control.  The careful planning you’ve always relied upon is of no use.  You can plan and you can try…but you can’t control tomorrow and sometimes even the events of the day your in can’t be controlled.   What can you do?  You can put one foot in front of the other and with each step breathe.  Breathe and believe that there is more to the mess your in.  Believe that the God who created heaven and earth is more than capable of carrying you or holding your hand through your darkest moment and your darkest hour.  No…many of my days have not been planned as I would plan them.   Many of my days have been scared by sickness, lonely hours and filled with change.  Change that I didn’t choose, change that I didn’t plan and change that I couldn’t control.  Change is what I’m moving forward with.  Change is what I’m embracing as I let go of my planned agenda and grab hold of His plan for my future.  No…today might not have been planned as I chose, but today I will walk forward with faith in what the Lord is doing in me and in those I love.